So in case some of you haven’t heard, I am flying back to Spain May 31st!! I am so very thankful and so incredibly humbled that God has allowed me to be on this journey, and called me to walk with Him.
I feel soo very excited and full of anticipation for all that God is going to do. I can’t wait to see everyone back in Spain, I can’t wait to get to work, I desire so badly to share the love of Christ with these beautiful people, and I am even excited about the challenge of continuing language learning! However, at the very same time I also feel sad and my heart hurts a lot. I will miss my family and my friends more than I can say. I will miss talking and laughing my best friend until the wee hours of the morning and I will miss the laughter and joy of her three wonderful little girls. I will miss my parents, I know I will long for the fellowship of so many other Christians, and I will even miss the beauty and greenness of Ohio.
It is in this odd mix of emotions I thank God for my training at MTI that really has taught me how to sort through these seemingly contracting emotions that I’m feeling at the same time, and not to think I’m going crazy.
At MTI we learned about Paradoxes in our emotions during this time of preparing, leaving, and even being on the field. They illustrated it in a very cool way, which originally was used to explain this concept to children, but they liked it so much they used it for the adults too. We learned about Paradoxes through an illustration of a-pair-a-ducks, there was the “Yay” duck and the, “Yuck,” duck. The “yay” duck is the duck that symbolizes all the "good" emotions we are feeling like, excitement, happiness, anticipation, acceptance, joy, fulfillment, and relief. The “yuck” duck on the other hand represents all the “bad” emotions that we are feeling like, sadness, loneliness, anxiety, insecurity, and a sense of loss.
They stated that it is very normal to feel both, “yay” duck emotions, and “yuck” duck emotions all at the same time. This paradox is normal for not only me, but also those that I love to be feeling as well. They will most likely be excited yet sad right along with me. Knowing that it is ok to feel this way and giving myself permission to grieve and also to jump for joy has been so healing and such a blessing.
During this time I am sure I will experience a roller-coaster of feelings, but I can praise God in the middle of each and every one, because He is with me and has even prepared me to know that it is alright. I can see looking back now, how He has been preparing me for this moment in time through people, trainings, and life experiences, and I am just in awe of His work.
